How come we're all sedated?

Put me in, coach.

Dan Campbell, head coach of the Detroit Lions is a man I’ve never met but I would literally bite someone’s kneecap off for him. I hope I never find out who he voted for in November. And if you know, keep it to yourself. Don’t ruin this man and this Detroit Lions season for me.

But more than anything, I’m envious of his coffee order. Two Venti Starbucks coffees, black, with two shots of espresso. Or to put it another way, more than 1,100 mg of caffeine. That’s nearly 10 cans of Red Bull. A healthy adult can consume about 400 mg of caffeine a day, according to the Mayo Clinic. No wonder he goes for it on 4th down so often. No one with that much caffeine in his system has the patience for punting.

Campbell is more of a man than I’ll ever be. That’s not a knock on me, he's just a large dude. But also in terms of coffee intake, compared to coach Campbell, I’m only taking down a little more than 600 mg daily. With a wonky work schedule, I start with a Celsius, then pivot to about 4 cups of hot coffee in about 7 hours. I’ve never been an energy drink consumer, but I’ve been a coffee guy since high school. The caffeine addiction is real. I was once featured in a friend’s dissertation about the minds of drug addicts because of this coffee fixation. I’ve never tried blow, but you should see the lines of espresso I can take down.

My favorite coffee combination isn’t my current Celsius mukbang in the office. But on a quiet Sunday morning, waiting for kickoff, a hot cup of joe with an ice-cold American beer is Nirvana. A bottled Bud Heavy, PBR, or Coors Banquet hits the spot. Sometimes I’ll go north of the border and throw a Labatt Blue in the mix. It’s a thinking man’s speedball. Once on a vacation with friends, they awoke to find me in our Airbnb kitchen throwing back a Coors Light and a cup of coffee at 7 am while I got some work done. I’m not sure if my drinks or my lack of work-life balance was the bigger red flag.

coffee not pictured.

But recently the toll of my caffeine uptake has been noticeable. My anxiety has peaked, my heart rate is faster and unusual, and the sleeplessness is persistent. Am I more irritable than usual? In recent weeks, yes. Is that caffeine or is it the world?

The NIH reports cocaine use has been up among adults and young people in recent years. Researchers at Virginia Tech noticed a similar trend. 10% of 19- to 30-year-olds olds use cannabis daily according to researchers at the University of Michigan. Not all trend lines point up. Gen-z reports to be drinking less alcohol than previous generations. So we’re still a sedated nation, just with less gin and tonics.

I’m writing this with caffeine and nicotine pumping through my veins, as I try to reach a self-imposed deadline. This isn’t a Tumblr confessional; it ain’t 2009 no more. I don’t have the desire to pour my digital heart out online. But I feel if I’m leaning on stimulants to make it through the average Wednesday, I should be honest about it. Because we’re all just trying to make it through the day, numbing ourselves any way we can. Doom scrolling, fast food, drugs, booze, it’s all the same, a reprieve from the awful truth of how sweet life can be.

I started this Substack because I’m a curious person who wants to answer life's questions both big and small. Today, it’s to find out why I need so much caffeine to make it to tomorrow. I don’t know if I’m any closer to that answer, but I also feel a little better knowing a lot of us might be in it together. Will all this introspection help me cut out the caffeine? Probably not. But maybe I’ll switch to tea now and then. But never decaf, fuck that.

See you Thursday.